The Stevens Family Love Story

Martina was stolen from them on January 15, 1985 at 8:30pm and I was born on January 15, 1987 at 8:30pm to the exact specifications God had given my dad. So what the devil meant for harm, God redeemed, and while my parents will always wonder what happened to their little girl, they know that God’s plan is always perfect.

Adoption to me is life. It is a living representation of the Gospel. It means unconditional love in the face of adversity. It means accepting and loving beyond your fleshly means and trusting God to deepen your capacity for compassion, patience, understanding and hope. It means opening up your heart, your home, your resources and your time to shepherd a little life toward Christ.

Early on in our marriage, Paul and I knew we wanted to adopt. Being the typical couple, we planned out our lives for the next 10 years, which included 2 biological kids followed by 2 adopted children.

In the summer of 2013, we heard a Ugandan woman, Gertrude, speak here in the states, and our hearts were captured by her story, her vision and her commitment to Jesus. We immediately began supporting her school and ministry, but knew deep down we wanted to do more. In March 2014, we had the opportunity to travel with a small group of friends to visit her in Uganda; bringing supplies, medical care and Biblical teaching. We were initially hesitant to go for financial reasons, but we really felt led, so we made it happen. This trip completely rocked our world. Not only did it bring us closer to Jesus, but it has strengthened our marriage and honed our vision and calling for our family.

When we returned home from this trip, Paul and I both felt like this was our time to start our family through adoption. I had already done over 2 years of research on adoption from Africa, so we made a few executive decisions and started the paperwork process in July 2014. We plowed through our paperwork and by November 2015 we had the referral for our 2 boys. I was a little hesitant to accept at first because everything I had read and all the education I had done said we shouldn’t “artificially twin” adopted children. I asked God for clarity to help us make this decision, and He did not disappoint. The night before we were to give our answer, God gave me a dream of our boys…I saw them as toddlers, as young children, as teenagers and as adults. I literally watched them grow up in front of my eyes, and from that moment on, I knew we were meant to be their parents. From then on, our hearts were taken and our path was planned. During this season God gave us such a clear vision of our family, and there was no doubt that this was what we were called to do. For our current adoption, things happened fast! We had no plans to begin another adoption this year and especially not so soon after bringing our boys home, but God did!

Paul: Prior to having any children, we planned to have two kids and then adopt two kids. This was our plan, not God’s plan. It became obvious we were meant to adopt our two boys before trying to have biological children, for various reasons. After we brought our boys home, we thought it would be best to first try to have a biological child, and then adopt one more to bridge the age gap. As time went by, my heart continued to grow for adoption. It didn’t feel right to be willing to take on another child, and feel like we were choosing a biological child over one of the many children who don’t have a family to love them.

Before Bettina and I traveled to Uganda for the first time in 2014, I struggled with the idea of spending all this money on flying myself to a remote village. I had a hard time comparing the good that could come from me being there versus donating it to an organization, or sending a doctor, or buying supplies or whatever. After being there, and loving on the over 600 kids at the school we visited, God made it clear to me that this trip wasn’t for them, it was for me. I learned more about myself and my relationship with God on that trip than ever before. I believe the adoption seed was planted in my heart long before the trip, but this was the downpour of water and sunshine that allowed the seed to blossom.

Bettina: Around Christmas I got an email with a list of waiting children, and I saw the picture of a little girl. Not only was this the first time I felt a connection to one of these children, but it was the first time I wanted to take action. Paul and I requested her file on December 30 and felt peace right off the bat. Despite the fact that her medical conditions sounded scary and doctors prepared us for the extreme, we realized that she had already become our daughter in our hearts, and no medical information was going to change that.

When we first opened up to the idea of a child with special needs we were excited and scared in equal measure. We knew God was calling us to something more, but when you’re sitting down and talking with doctors about the severity and what to expect, things get real. However, with Olivia, we just felt peace. We were listening to the doctors tell us about the surgeries and the medications and the possibilities of additional ailments, but God had already taken over, and we knew that no words would change the fact that she was our daughter.

So on January 18 we officially said yes and by January 26 we had pre-approval from China! This has been such a clear calling from God, and every time we see her picture or talk about her, our hearts can’t help but swell with love and pride. We know we have a long road, medically speaking, but God continues to deepen our capacity…our capacity for understanding, for compassion, for love, for acceptance, for patience and for the journey set before us. We’ve known all along adoption was in our plan, but over the last 3 years, God has shown us time and time again that adoption is our plan A … our first choice to build our family … our calling that will only strengthen as we partner with God to bring our daughter home.

Paul: As soon as Bettina brought Olivia’s profile to me, I was all in. I instantly felt a strong connection to her. As we began to find more information out, it felt more and more like a formality – there was nothing anyone was going to tell me about that girl that would change my mind. She is ours and we are bringing her home.

Bringing our boys home gave me the confidence that I could not only parent, but through God’s grace, I could take on more than I ever thought possible. One of the most difficult parts of adopting is filling out the form in which you check boxes indicating all the things you are or are not willing to accept about the child – gender, age, minor or major physical disabilities, minor or major intellectual disabilities, and the list goes on. I am proud to say that after parenting our two boys, who are different in person than on paper, we were even more open to a child with one or multiple disabilities. There was a need for our boys and now I truly cannot imagine not being their Dad. The need is there for so many children and for this little girl, we are willing to say YES and provide her a safe, loving, and encouraging home and family.

Bettina: Parenting has been SO much harder than I ever thought possible, but Paul and I have never wavered or second-guessed one another, and we have become a team who follows-through and always has the other’s back. This season has been difficult to say the least, however each new day is one of growth and redemption, and I have been transformed just as much as my boys have. When we first got home from Uganda I was a shell of my former self. I was depressed, exhausted, overwhelmed and lonely. I had no close friends with children, and parenting children with trauma is no joke. BUT over the last year, God has truly given me a new spirit, and I have worked very hard to create a person I want to be around! Once I gave in to God and relinquished my control, that is when my transformation began. Since that time, my mindset has changed and I have been able to step into the role of mom, friend and wife that I wanted to be.

I truly believe with all my heart that children belong in families. After seeing firsthand so many children surviving through the days without anyone to hold them, love them or care for them, my heart was broken. Children just want someone to be there for them. To show up time after time, and know there is a constant in their lives. Once I opened my eyes to the concept that God intended adoption to be, it made perfect sense to adopt. And not only did it make sense, but it quickly became a strong calling over our lives that manifested itself deep within us. We want our children to know that they were loved, cherished, and wanted first. That we waited, fought, cried and prayed over their lives daily. That our family became full when they came into our lives.

Paul: I truly feel called by God to make a lasting impact on the world and I believe I can do that through my children. For me, adoption isn’t an option, it is a calling. Knowing there are children in this world who don’t have a family to love them and have no one to support and encourage them, breaks my heart. As an engineer, I feel as if I am programmed to discover problems, evaluate options, choose the best solution and implement it. When I think about those children and I think about possible solutions, I found myself asking, “Who is going to be better parents than us?” and I realized we are the best solution for these children. I feel challenged and called to say YES to God and to share the love He has shown me over and over again with my children.

Whether you’ve known us for years or are just seeing our faces for the first time, we are honored that you took the time to learn a little bit about us. Adoption is so dear to our hearts, and we know that without a community of support, it wouldn’t be possible for us. We would covet your prayers and encouragement during this process, and would be humbled if you would consider a financial contribution to help bring our daughter home.