The Lohrenz Family Love Story

We have witnessed a miracle from the Lord!  To Him be the glory as we share this news.  The legal process on the path to adoption finalization has taken a giant, sudden and unexpected turn!  Just as we were gearing up for a long summer of additional court dates, a heart was transformed.  Isn’t that just like God?  His timing.  His way.  We can’t help but think of Proverbs 16:9. As two first-borns, we easily get wrapped up in the lie that we are in control.  King Solomon wisely reminds us, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord established their steps” (NIV).  Our own hearts and minds were going 100 mph in one direction, preparing and planning for a much longer process. But, God.

Logistically, there are a few remaining legal steps.  Next up is a court date in early July.  Then, a final celebratory court time this fall.  We are thrilled that local courts have recently opened for in-person finalization of adoptions. Another answer to prayer.  This is such a better way to mark this occasion than logging in to just another video conference.

The emotional piece is messier and harder to spell out.  Yes, please hear that we are celebrating, praising, thanking, worshipping, and declaring the Lord’s faithfulness over this boy’s life!  And there is still a piece of us that’s recovering from the absolute shock of both how and when God moved.

We remember that our excitement is in contrast to the complex emotions of birth parents.  Even though all parties have agreed to this adoption plan, there is always a piece of it that will be bittersweet.  Both loss and gain.  Both sad and happy. Both grief and joy.  Both messy and beautiful.

As this particular chapter of our faith journey seems to be coming to a close, we look forward to rest and remembrance.  I don’t think either of us realized just how much stress was in the back of our hearts and minds.  We also want to acknowledge and remember both the small and mighty ways in which God moved.  We want to take the time to reflect on His blessing, grace and power in our lives.  We desire our lives to be marked by gratitude—lives of ongoing dependence on God.  Life is a journey of thanksgiving, praising the Lord for joy and abundant love, and His steadfast presence in sorrow, despair, and fear.  Like any journey, the road is impossible to predict.  In seasons of plenty and in seasons of want, may the Lord alone satisfy our thirsty souls.  To Him be the glory.

The past few months have been a whirlwind.  The newest member of our family is growing and thriving and bringing the rest of us so much joy every single day.  His belly laugh when Sister plays with his pull back race car and the way his face lights up when we call his name or walk into the room are absolutely precious.  The sibling bond is healthy and strong and they are both happiest when they are together—playing peek-a-boo, reading stories, and having dance parties.  We recently celebrated family birthdays and even snuck away into the mountains for a few days for a much-needed slower pace of life and intentional quality time.  A dear friend came from out of state to meet this sweet boy and just do daily life with us and it filled my bucket.

Our cup overflows on a daily basis.  There’s much to be grateful for and we thank God for our blessings.  And yet, there is still much uncertainty on the path to finalizing this adoption.  It’s a complicated legal situation that is in the courts and in front of a judge.  For this reason, many of the details are confidential.  It’s isolating and hard to not be able to share the weight of it all.  There is still a lot of hurry up and wait.  Most court dates, nothing definitive happens.  But we strive to stay hopeful with the future dates that have been set over the next few months.  The end could be in sight.

Part of that is exciting.  And also hard.  It’s not like we’ll get partial custody.  The stakes are high—all or nothing.  So, our family is “all in” for this season.  That means frequent contact with our social worker and legal team.  We’re scrambling to search for and apply for adoption grants, we picked up some additional part-time work, we refinanced our home, and we are hiring an additional attorney to specifically represent us.  With the ramp up of the next few months and increased expenses, you’ll notice that we increased our total fundraising amount again. We remain certain the Lord has asked us to walk this path.  We know He will provide.

These challenging circumstances bring to light our weakness and where we fall short.  Jesus’ words come to mind, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Just as we seek God’s grace amidst this challenge, we ask for your grace and patience with us as we are often overwhelmed and exhausted from the logistics and emotions of it all.

Prayer is powerful and it’s something that we can all do.  The Lord moves mountains.  He alone is worthy.  Praise during the storm is worship.  I’ve been in Philippians a lot lately, wrestling with Paul’s challenge to be content in any and every situation.  It seems like a life-long challenge with the opportunity to practice every day on this earth. When our pastor’s wife recently asked how she could pray for us in the season, the response came quickly.  Philippians 4:4-7.  We desire to live each day guarding our hearts and minds from the lies and “what if’s.”  Focusing instead on the truth.  God is God.  We are not.  He loves this boy even more than we do.

Every single day this boy is in our home, we smother him with love like it’s our last.  Isn’t that really the way we should all be living?  With no regrets.  This boy is a gift and has drawn us closer and more dependent on the Lord in ways we never could have imagined.  We continue to learn who we are and who God wants us to be.

It’s hard to put into words all that has happened emotionally and logistically the past two weeks.  From having our profile book shown, to being chosen by a birth family, to a match meeting, to a weekend of anxious waiting and preparation, to a crazy snowstorm, and then placement day!

Years of longing and waiting for God to grow our family, and then He does.  The lyrics of the song Waymaker have been racing through my heart and mind this week.

Even when I don’t see it, You’re working
Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working
You never stop, You never stop working
You never stop, You never stop working

The timing of everything on this adoption journey is undeniable evidence of God’s handiwork–from the moment this little guy was knit together, to the day he was brought into the world.  All the waiting and apparent silence was the Lord meticulously orchestrating every detail.

God is gracious.  What a gift He has given.

We hope to share more of God’s story in the weeks and months ahead.  For now, we are home as a family of 4!  Keeping it real with poop during the first sibling bath, eating leftovers for dinner at 10 p.m. on the floor of the nursery, baby snuggles, smiles and giggles, and watching the bond between siblings grow.  He’s stolen our hearts.  There’s no going back.  We’re all in.

There’s still a long and unpredictable road ahead from this time of placement to finalization of adoption.  One day at a time.  His mercies are new every morning.  Our faith and trust continue to be challenged.  Thanks for walking this journey with us.

Though our pace of life noticeably slowed down these last few weeks, many new and exciting things have been happening on our adoption journey.

First, it’s been over a year since we officially started working with an adoption agency.   That means that some of our paperwork is expiring and needs updated—adoption contract, background checks, local police records report, etc.  So, the Amazing Race continues after a brief pit stop.  Secondly, we were able to complete the necessary CPR/first aid training online.  It was a family affair, as our little helper (mostly accurately) counted the 30 compressions between breaths.  I also enjoyed and finished reading “The Connected Child.”

Another highlight was that the previously cancelled Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Caregiver Training was offered virtually by The Adoption Exchange.  I can personally attest to the fact that Zoom fatigue is legit, and yet I am grateful for the opportunity to have learned so much and networked with others on their adoption journeys.  TBRI equips caregivers and parents along their journey with insight and practical strategies to build strong, healing connections as a family.  Additionally, The Adoption Exchange is a great local (CO, MO, NV, UT) resource with monthly webinars, training, in home coaching, connection groups, a sensory lending library and more.

Every step of the way, we sense the juxtaposition of excitement and anticipation alongside the waiting and difficulty.  Grief and grace.  Bitter and sweet.  Heartache and happiness.

Along with these emotions, we thought we would give a window into more of the logistics of our adoption journey.  Since the adoption process varies so much from state to state and between agencies, this may or may not sound familiar to another story you know.  The state of Colorado requires all adoptive families to work with an adoption agency.  To contrast, some states require a lawyer to draw up and file the official paperwork.  We, personally, are grateful for the partnership and relationship of an adoption agency to help all parties navigate these uncharted waters.  We passionately believe in the ethics and integrity of Hope’s Promise.  In our agency’s process, the adoptive families are presented to the birth parents for selection.  In other words, we are chosen, not the other way around.  To help with the selection, we made a 20-page profile book.  This scrapbook tells the Lohrenz Family story through pictures and words—our hopes, beliefs, family values, traditions, personalities, hobbies, and quirks.

At this point, all roads lead back to waiting.  Waiting on the Lord’s timing.  Waiting for birth parents to make an adoption plan.  Waiting to be chosen as adoptive parents.

We can only imagine what decisions and emotions birth parents face as they consider their options and potentially choose to place their child for adoption—to pour over all the different profile books, searching and waiting for the Lord to provide a family to raise this child.

Like the rest of our nation and world, our plans and daily rhythms have been changed. In this uncertain season, we’ve learned to let go of expectations, savor more time as a family, and count our many blessings.  Overall, our family’s adjustments have been minimal.  Parker’s able to work from home full-time, and I hang with our daughter like I did before this virus.  Yet, the magnitude of it all is not lost on us.  Our hearts and prayers are with the millions who have lost their jobs, the decision makers, teachers who have scrambled to move classes online, first responders, small businesses, medical professionals, grocery store employees, my former 4^th grade students who are set to launch into the world this May and will graduate remotely with virtual pomp and circumstance, and countless others.  The effects of COVID-19 are far reaching, ever changing, and hard to fully grasp.

A devotional I read this week was entitled, “But What If What God Wants For Me Is Not What I Want?”  Wow.  That’s a hard pill to swallow. It went on to quote author Corallie Buchanan, “When we look to God as provider, we are surrendering our independence and trusting someone else to meet our needs, over which we have no control. Letting go of our ‘dependence on independence’ and letting someone else take control goes against natural human instinct. We need to fight the urge to take over and just let God be God, because He can provide for us better than we can.”  I’m guilty of praying trite prayers for health, safety, and healing.  And while there isn’t anything inherently wrong with those requests, at a deeper level, I want to pray for the will of God—for His name to be made great in every circumstance.  For me to get out of the way and to trust him.  It usually takes things being stripped away before I remember what really matters most.

The conditions of this pandemic have set the stage to remind me of what I’ve know in my head, but frequently forget in my heart—I am not in control.  I never was and I never will be.  Yet when things are going well, it’s so easy to have that false sense of control and security.  Our hope is the Lord.  Period.  Not in our health, finances, job, etc.  During this season, we echo the prayers of others—that God will use this pandemic to pave the way for spiritual renewal. And that God’s glory, power, and healing will be on display.

Last month, we had planned on two full days of Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) training.  The TBRI training is based on the principles in Karyn Purvis’ book “The Connected Child,” which was one of the recommended readings from our adoption agency.   In a nutshell, TBRI is a therapeutic model that trains caregivers to provide effective support and treatment for at-risk children.  It addresses the physical, attachment and behavioral needs of a child through empowerment, connection and correction.  Now, we eagerly look forward to whenever the training can be rescheduled.  And it gives us extra time to actually finish reading the book before it’s due back at the library.

First, a quick update on our Beautycounter Pop-up fundraiser.  A big thank you to the women who supported us in this way!  $225 was added to our adoption fund.  We are so humbled and grateful.

Now, on to another back post as we continue to catch you up with the journey we’ve been on.

We chose to continue living life to the fullest through the summer and were able to set aside focused time to devote to paperwork beginning in August 2019.  Like any big task, we broke it up into categories and smaller portions.  In order to keep a positive attitude about all the steps in the process (a legitimate 53), we likened it to the Amazing Race challenge.  First, go to your local police station for a records report, then show proof of a current flu vaccine, after that take a lengthy online marriage assessment and don’t talk to each other about it, next get fingerprinted (again), and answer 71 VERY personal questions dating back to your childhood in open-ended narrative form.  After an intense several weeks, we finished the mountain of paperwork Labor Day weekend.

October was a busy month meeting our case worker and having 3 separate home study visits—each lasting several hours.  Our social worker even spent time interviewing Amelia.  It went something like this.

Social worker:  Amelia, tell me what you know about adoption.

Amelia: Nothing.

Parker grabs my arm before I fly off the couch to intervene.  It’s not like we’ve been setting aside one night a week to intentionally share about adoption and pray together as a family—for our future child and his/her first family.

Social worker:  So, tell me about your dad.

Amelia:  Wrestle-tickle parties.  Funny.

In the end, it was super sweet and Amelia was so proud to give our social worker a tour of the house.

During the home study process, we were together some of the time and other times we had separate 2-hour interviews.  Instead of The Amazing Race, it now felt like we were part of the Newlywed Game.  Which, we are still terrible at by the way.  One of us can’t decide on a “favorite” anything, which makes it impossible for the other one of us to guess.  And unlike the game show, there were many, many serious topics covered.  Throughout the process, we kept reminding ourselves that the purpose is to make sure children are placed in the very best homes—where they are safe, loved and feel secure.  And that’s something we both firmly believe in.

After gathering all the information, the Hope’s Promise team reviewed our file and our home study was officially approved!  In the end of November 2019, we wrote a check and have the title of “waiting family.”  It’s kind of an ironic phrase when you really think about it.  Aren’t we all waiting on something?  A promotion at work, test results, for the weather to change, a loved one to visit, healing in a relationship, to get through a hard season, for the phone to ring (or not to ring depending on your circumstance), waiting to see Jesus face to face.

In 2016, after we lost and delivered our second child, a dear friend gave me a piece of paper with this verse:

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in His word I put my hope.”  – Psalm 130:5

I still have the paper on our fridge.  Some things we’ve waited for since that time have happened.  Others have not.  And that’s ok.  Most of the time, waiting is not fun or easy.  But it is often in the waiting that our heart is changed, our faith muscles are stretched and strengthened, and our character is refined.  After all, the goal is to become imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1-2).  The Lord is patient.  He waited thousands of years to send a Savior.  He allowed the Israelites to wander for 40 years before their hearts were ready to enter the promised land. He waited almost 3 decades from the time He promised Abraham a son until the actual birth of Isaac.  And debatably the longest 3 days of human history were from crucifixion to resurrection.  We’ll say it again, God is patient.

In our instant-gratification culture today, many have lost the art of waiting.  Don’t think that we are self-righteous.  Hear this, we’re not good at waiting most of the time either, but we do know that waiting is good for us.

One bible teacher suggested that if Jesus had shown up 20 minutes after Adam and Eve sinned, we never would have understood the depth and breadth of our sinfulness. Nor would we have understood how desperately we need God.  Again, waiting is good for us.

In the mist of waiting, we’ve come to realize that God’s apparent “delay” often has to do with His perfect timing.  It’s easy to believe the lie that God’s silence = God not working.  Many biblical characters got tired of waiting and tried to take matters into their own hands.  This never turns out well.  Think of Sarah/Abraham/Hagar or King Saul’s fight against the Philistines when he failed to wait for Samuel to make the offering.

When we take things into our own hands, we are saying we don’t trust God.  We think our timing is better than His. And that we don’t trust God to fulfill His promises and thus we must fulfill them.  Failing to wait on God is an insult to His providence.

So, along with many other families, we wait—wait as the Lord reveals His timing and child for our family.

We covet your prayers for our hearts during this season of waiting to be matched with birth parents.

• Pray that we will be steadfast in our faith
• That our hope continues to rest fully in the Lord
• And that our hearts will become more like His

Shortly after reading our adoption story, my sweet friend Rachel S. reached out and offered to facilitate our first fundraising event.  She is a consultant for Beautycounter.  Their mission is to get safer/cleaner products into the hands of everyone.  There are over 80,000 chemicals on the market today and many don’t have safety data, especially those used in skin care and the beauty industry.

I tried my first Beautycounter product just over 2 years ago and have been sold ever since. Every day, I use their Dew Skin Tinted Moisturizer and I love their eye shadow.  I’m fairly simple with my makeup and skin care routine. Rachel patiently explained everything to me and is so talented at what she does.  Her sweet southern charm coupled with her heart for women just might mean you’ve met your new best friend!

If you are local, you are invited to a Beautycounter Pop-up Event at the Lohrenz house on Saturday, February 22 between 2-4 p.m.

Come try out products, ask questions, and get pro tips about what works best for your skin tone and type.  It will be a low-key, simple and fun afternoon.

For those of you who live out of town, here’s the link:

https://www.beautycounter.com/rachelstricklin/pop-ups/gwkmkeh1jK1IZ32Xe2B6

This event will close at midnight on Tuesday, March 2.  If you have questions about products, let me know and I can put you in contact with Rachel.

Rachel is graciously donating her whole commission on all products to our adoption fund!  If you’ve been wanting to try out some beauty products that don’t contain harsh chemicals, this event is for you!  Thanks in advance for your support.

A year ago this month, we attended our first adoption informational meeting.  Hand in hand, we walked into the building nervous and naïve.  An hour later, we left feeling slightly more educated and definitely overwhelmed.  This agency had over 40 waiting families and asked if we wanted to be added to “the list.”  Our hearts and heads were spinning. We needed a bit of time and space to process.

After some time passed, we decided to attend a second informational meeting with another adoption agency.  We earnestly prayed together before going inside—asking God to move our hearts and “show” us if this agency was a good fit.  He showed up.  The two experiences were like night and day.  Instead of being handed a giant packet of papers, we began with a video.  It was about adoption—from the perspective of birth moms and birth dads.  To say that it was powerful would be an understatement.  I don’t recall a dry eye in the room as I, too, tried to swallow the giant lump in my throat.  In an instant, my selfish desires and lofty preconceived ideas about adoption were shattered.  Walls were broken down and misconceptions were brought to light.  The truth is, these birth parents are real-life heroes.  Like all good parents, they are selfless—thinking of the needs of their child before their own.  These birth parents deliberately and lovingly made an adoption plan for their child.

Throughout the rest of the evening, we continued to be impressed with the ethics and compassion of this agency.  We learned the “why” behind the nearly $30K price tag.  Somehow, adoption and human trafficking did not go together in my mind, but the statistics show otherwise.  The black market for children is a real problem both here in the states and internationally.  This agency’s fees and processes help to combat that.  Relationships are formed, all parties are educated about options, and free counseling and support are offered to birth parents for life.

At the end of the night as we processed together, it was clear that we were both encouraged and excited.  In fact, my dear slow, thoughtful, cautious better half was uncharacteristically asking to start immediate monthly donations to this organization, regardless of if we ended up partnering with them for adoption!  The realist in me was slightly more cautious, considering the tens of thousands of dollars we may be giving to them in the very near future.  In all seriousness, it was undeniably clear to us both that we would continue to pursue adoption with this agency.

We cancelled the informational meeting with a third agency.

In March of 2019, we sent a check and completed the application for local infant adoption through Hope’s Promise.  In April, references were contacted, and we were officially accepted.  Then, the real work began…mountains of paperwork and our home study.