P – Our adoption journey has been long — from the complex paperwork and training to the emotional struggles. It is hard to be concise, and almost impossible to sum up. The path we have walked to get to this place, and the road that lies ahead, are both places I want to invite you to join us. Though best accomplished over cups of coffee and a good long conversation, we will attempt to tell our story here and now.
First, we have learned that life isn’t about us. Our story is part of a bigger story. Though we may strive and seek for the good in our lives, God is revealing His plan for our lives in His time. We are beginning to understand it is less about our desires and more about where He can take us and what He can do with us, oftentimes despite ourselves.
It has been tough for me as the planning type to face such difficulties and trials with so little ability to prepare for, prevent, or fix. Grief has changed us and we understand more and more how broken of a place the world is and many more hurting people there are out there. As God brings us through our junk, we see dimly how we are redeemed. I am reminded of the phrase, Beautiful Redemption. It is true for all of us in our pain, weakness, or isolation. His plan is for beautiful redemption for each and every one of us.
To keep this from remaining merely a thought exercise, the more we understand our own redemption, the more it begs the question: Redeemed for what? Not for ourselves or for our happiness. In the end, it is about so much more. Christ alone is the source of joy, meaning, value, and purpose. In Him, and as a part of community, love does. It is about loving God and loving others.
I know it may not seem at first like any of this has much to do with kids in need of love and family. But that is our journey. The path our hearts have taken to get to today. We still hope and pray for the children God has for us, for the family He is forging in our hearts, and for the adventures and trials yet to come. Honestly, the journey so far has been less about learning how to fill our house with kids, and more about preparing our hearts for the life ahead and the work He has for us. God has put love in our hearts for a bigger family, and we believe He has called us to adoption.
Just as God has moved our hearts to be more like His, we invite you to join us and let His work in our lives transform your hearts as well. Fair warning, it was not an easy road to get here, and I cannot say what lay ahead in your path, but I know it will be worth it.
A– A while ago, I came across the words, “God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad for our greatest calling.” If someone would have had the guts to tell me this in the middle of our darkest season, I honestly think I would have punched her in the face. But now that we’ve come out of that particularly hard time, I have a better appreciation for these words and I can see some wisdom in them. Perspective takes time. When I was at my lowest point, I was stripped of everything I thought I deserved. I was left with God. He had my attention. And He proved to be enough.
For me, the journey to adopt has been a slow and steady process over the past few years. The Lord has been gently nudging my heart, breaking down walls and inviting me to trust. Trust in His ways and His timing. Sometimes God spoke directly through friends and a mentor couple. Other times, it was a book I was reading, a verse that I saw in a new context, or words in a devotional.
All these avenues pointed to adoption. This past year, I began providing regular childcare for a sweet toddler in our neighborhood. Through sharing our daily life with this precious little one (story time at the local library, play dates at the zoo, mornings at the park, children’s museums, walks around our neighborhood, and daily craft activities), we realized a few things.
First, Amelia is a big sister anxiously waiting. She is extremely social and absolutely loves to help others. She gathers the things for diaper changes, “reads” books, shares toys and loves to make others laugh. Next, we realized that we came to love this child as much as we love our Amelia. Isn’t it just like our loving Father, who knows us so intimately, to patiently let us “discover” what He’s known all along? Adoption is part the story He’s writing in our family.
Praise You in the Storm
The past few months have been a whirlwind. The newest member of our family is growing and thriving and bringing the rest of us so much joy every single day. His belly laugh when Sister plays with his pull back race car and the way his face lights up when we call his name or walk into the room are absolutely precious. The sibling bond is healthy and strong and they are both happiest when they are together—playing peek-a-boo, reading stories, and having dance parties. We recently celebrated family birthdays and even snuck away into the mountains for a few days for a much-needed slower pace of life and intentional quality time. A dear friend came from out of state to meet this sweet boy and just do daily life with us and it filled my bucket.
Our cup overflows on a daily basis. There’s much to be grateful for and we thank God for our blessings. And yet, there is still much uncertainty on the path to finalizing this adoption. It’s a complicated legal situation that is in the courts and in front of a judge. For this reason, many of the details are confidential. It’s isolating and hard to not be able to share the weight of it all. There is still a lot of hurry up and wait. Most court dates, nothing definitive happens. But we strive to stay hopeful with the future dates that have been set over the next few months. The end could be in sight.
Part of that is exciting. And also hard. It’s not like we’ll get partial custody. The stakes are high—all or nothing. So, our family is “all in” for this season. That means frequent contact with our social worker and legal team. We’re scrambling to search for and apply for adoption grants, we picked up some additional part-time work, we refinanced our home, and we are hiring an additional attorney to specifically represent us. With the ramp up of the next few months and increased expenses, you’ll notice that we increased our total fundraising amount again. We remain certain the Lord has asked us to walk this path. We know He will provide.
These challenging circumstances bring to light our weakness and where we fall short. Jesus’ words come to mind, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Just as we seek God’s grace amidst this challenge, we ask for your grace and patience with us as we are often overwhelmed and exhausted from the logistics and emotions of it all.
Prayer is powerful and it’s something that we can all do. The Lord moves mountains. He alone is worthy. Praise during the storm is worship. I’ve been in Philippians a lot lately, wrestling with Paul’s challenge to be content in any and every situation. It seems like a life-long challenge with the opportunity to practice every day on this earth. When our pastor’s wife recently asked how she could pray for us in the season, the response was easy. Philippians 4:4-7. We desire to live each day guarding our hearts and minds from the lies and “what if’s.” Focusing instead on the truth. God is God. We are not. He loves this boy even more than we do.
Every single day this boy is in our home, we smother him with love like it’s our last. Isn’t that really the way we should all be living? With no regrets. This boy is a gift and has drawn us closer and more dependent on the Lord in ways we never could have imagined. We continue to learn who we are and who God wants us to be.