
Why Adoption?
Both Marques and Ashley had open-door policies growing up. Marques’s father was a youth pastor and social worker who had a heart for helping and loving those who needed a family and someone to be their advocate. His mother and father were always the first to volunteer their couch or extra bed, resulting in a few people living with them for an extended period of time. There was a revolving door and they both believed in giving people a second chance, even to those whom others may have believed didn’t deserve it.
Ashley’s parents were involved with the youth group at their church and her mom worked at a juvenile detention center for much of Ashley’s middle/high school years. Their house was always a safe place for anyone to come. One time, when coming home from shopping with her mom and dad she remembers one of the youth group members waiting on the porch just to chat and say hello.
To this day, the Thanksgiving table is filled with anyone who wants to spend it with us; an open invitation for everyone, if you will. Her aunt and uncle adopted 3 girls after she graduated from high school and she has always thought they all have beautiful stories.
Our story has Jesus weaved all through it. Individually and throughout our relationship; we have always wanted to adopt. When we started our infertility journey in April, we both had peace. No matter the outcome, we knew we would be parents in His timing.
What Brought You Together?
We found each other in a lucky moment for both of us on an online dating site. Within moments of meeting in person, Marques knew Ashley was the one because of her bubbly outgoing personality and kindness.
Ashley took a little more time before she knew Marques was the one. But Marques’s big heart and unwavering commitment had Ashley ready to say “I do” and imagine growing a family together through adoption.
We love spending time together and are always game for an adventure! We love to laugh as we watch football together on Sundays — things get a bit competitive around here; we root for different teams! ha. And on the weekends, you will find us going for walks in the park, visiting a museum, sharing a meal with family, or serving in our church. We love seeking opportunities to explore new cultures and are passionate about world travel.
And now we can’t wait to start a whole new adventure together as we become parents! We will absolutely be getting a passport for our child, so we can show them all the beauty the world has to offer. We look forward to visiting grandparents in the country and eating s’mores as we stargaze, fun-filled trips to the library — we love curling up with a good book — and we can’t wait for our children to see Elf and A Christmas Story during our Christmas movie marathon tradition.
Why Now?
Once we found out Marques has a rare disorder that prohibits him from having children, we knew right away adoption was the next step. Infertility is not the reason we are adopting, we would have done it regardless, it just happened sooner than either of us expected. Ashley has ALWAYS known she would be a mom. She’s built to be a wife and momma. Marques has always dreamed of a large family and can not wait to get started!
While this may be the start of our story, we know this adoption will not be the end. We plan to, in the future, foster and adopt as many as the Lord allows. Stay tuned for updates and Jesus stories as my goal is to be as open and honest as possible. Through the hard times and joy-filled times.
Ashley
About Ashley — from Marques
Ashley’s bubbly personality, optimism, and kindness are contagious. She’s a social butterfly, always there for her friends and family, and quick to laugh (even at herself). Ashley has a heart for adventure and has traveled to 14 countries! She works as a paralegal and is excellent at her job. Still, while some people are career-driven, Ashley is people-driven. Giving and showing love brings her genuine joy and purpose.
Her true passion is love and supporting others, and her calling in life is to be a wife and mother. I look forward to seeing Ashley fulfill her lifelong dream of motherhood and watching her teach our children how to be strong, courageous, loving, and passionate people.
Ashley will be their biggest advocate and cheerleader. She will come up with a million reasons to celebrate them — any excuse to show them that they are loved! If our child is ever in pain or hurting, Ashley will be there to listen to them and make them feel understood and heard. Above all, they will always know that they have a mother that truly loves them no matter what!
Marques
About Marques — from Ashley
Marques is the most patient person I have ever met. His ability to talk about his feelings, his kindness to strangers, and giving spirit are my favorite qualities in Marques.
He is exceptional at his job as a banker and loves the clients he works with; he has shared hugs, tears, and laughs with them as he helps them achieve their goals. Marques is an artist at heart — he grew up playing the trumpet, singing, acting in stage plays everything from musicals to Shakespeare. He even studied film for 3 years at college — he’s very excited to show all his favorite movies to our child!
Marques is going to be such a good Daddy. I can’t wait to watch him read with our child — his reading voice is mesmerizing. He will spoil our child, and I am 100% here for it! Marques will be protective, gentle, encouraging, and patient while always encouraging our child to feel their feelings and find the words to express them. He will celebrate our child and support whatever interests they develop.
No matter what our child chooses to pursue in life, whether it’s performing, sports, or math club, I know Marques will cheer them on with excitement and enthusiasm in his voice, saying, “I always believed you could do it!”
The Rollercoaster that is “You’re Matched!”
This is a long one, buckle up, strap yourself in, grab a cozy spot, get you some coffee or tea and settle in.
April 9th: We get an email that a momma is due April 27th. Not much is known other than it’s a biracial babe in Florida. We have to decide quick whether or not we want to present our profile if we are interested. This happens semi-often, maybe once a week or every 10 days or so. It feels a lot like online dating. We see their profile and look at a bunch of different variables (that’s for another blog maybe?) then decide yes we are interested or no, we’ll wait for the next opportunity. This time we said yes. She’s due soon so the decision was a quick one and we wait. (Check out what some of those feelings might be in the last blog “The Wait.“)
This was over a weekend so we didn’t expect to hear back one way or another until the following week. In our experience, the longer we wait, the less likely it is that we are the family expectant momma has chosen.
April 14th: Starting to lose hope that we were the chosen family. I’m supposed to be optimistic. I always have a good attitude. But right now, I just want to know WHEN will be the perfect time. I KNOW it’ll be in His perfect timing, but when is that time?
April 15th: I got a bit impatient and reached out to our consultant to see if she had heard anything. We weren’t chosen. While this was a bit of sad news, it’s something we had heard before and a familiar feeling of rejection, hurt, hate of the process and waiting for the next opportunity.
Plus, it was the start of my birthday weekend so we focused on celebrating me. Well, it really ended up being me reminding Marques every couple minutes that it was my birthday weekend and we had to do what ever I wanted to do. (See below for a photo I got to take of us before Saturday morning breakfast without complaint because it was my birthday weekend!) The whole weekend was lovely, I love celebrating my birthday, even at 36 now!
April 19th: I’m standing in the kitchen cooking up some dinner (a rare occurrence over here) when I get a call from our adoption consultant, Caitlin. We didn’t have a meeting scheduled and she doesn’t usually call unless it’s big news. I answered…she said there had been a mistake. Last week she told us we weren’t chosen but that was for a different case, one we hadn’t even presented to. Momma “D” who is due April 27th (next week!) loved our profile and wants to have a conversation with us tomorrow! On my birthday! Marques was still at work so I patched him into our call and told him the news. We were shocked, surprised, excited, um WHAT!? What a lovely birthday gift! Of course we had time to talk with her.
April 20th: How the heck are we supposed to focus through work? We try our best to stay focused and in the moment while at work. After all, if we have to leave next week I’ve got some work to prepare my cases for whoever covers for me to set them up for success. Marques sent me a lovely jungle of flowers delivered to work.
The time came, we got to talk to her, connect with her, nerd out with her. We love her. The conversation went so well! She’s a lovely woman and, honestly, I can not wait to squeeze her. We ended the conversation feeling great and the social worker telling us she would reach out the next day to start some paperwork.
April 21st: After work we had a call with Caitlin, our consultant. She seemed to think we should have heard from the social worker, but we hadn’t. Things come up, people get busy and we knew she had a delivery the day before so we chalked it up to her just being busy. We took in all the information Caitlin went over with us about how this next phase of the adoption process goes. Contract details, fees, expectant parent contact, visiting before delivery, prenatal care, medical records, naming of the baby, hospital plans, travel arrangements, packing tips, hospital rooms, birth certificate details, relinquishment signing, who pays for what, placement, out of state adoption details (ICPC). If you’re reading this list thinking “What the heck is she talking about….” That’s exactly what was going through our minds. Caitlin did a great job of explaining everything in a way we understood but it was A LOT of information to take in.
By this time we have shared with a lot of people in our lives that we have been chosen and will be parents sometime in the coming weeks. Everyone is excited for us. Tears were shed, smiles were shared, help and baby supplies were offered. All while we are trying to not get too excited ourselves because we still haven’t heard from the social worker. Wednesday comes and goes, nothing from the agency.